I came upon a PTSD blog today and instantly fell into the cauldron of flashback turmoil- I wanted to comment and tell the writer but then chose not to stir it up any more than it already is.
Sometimes when looking into the pain, I find I spiral down into this place where it takes over and I'm unable to do anything else but 'feel the pain'.
At other times, I seem to be able to feel 'normal' and function at least on some level of control and self-determination and in those times I choose to stay in that place rather than deliberately step back into the introspective pain-filled one.
I don't know if that's good or bad- right or wrong- maybe it's none of those things.
I just know that I've spent the past many years trying to avoid the pain - it just overwhelms and takes over - hurts so much and cripples me into utter "bound-up-ness".
I hate that place and want to avoid it at all costs.
I read about others' recovery and wonder at that - it's amazing to me. I have no idea how to get to the place where they are.
Oh well, that's the way it is today.
Talk to you later,